Contentment

I've been thinking a lot about contentment over the past year, or so and I decided I would share some of my thoughts on here:

Often in my life I've had people tell me I'm not content enough. "why are you always in a bad mood, Amy?" Why can't you just be happy with what you have?"

Well, I think the problem I have with the word "contentment" is (for me personally) when I hear it I think: "okay, I'll just give up on life. Sit around and do nothing because it's never gonna get better, so I should just deal with it." I don't really know exactly why it has always been a negative thing in my mind. Maybe because people would tell me to be content right after something really horrible has happened in my life, or something? I dunno. All I know is that I've struggled with the idea of contentment for many, many years. I would read books/devotionals on contentment trying to figure out why I wasn't content. I would spend so much time trying to force myself to be content... It (obviously) never helped. All those things I was doing just made me feel worse. I thought "how can I be a good christian if I'm not content?" "Will I ever be happy?" "Why can't I be content? my life isn't that bad."

I've always been able to see the blessings I have and I've always been thankful for them. Just, to me, contentment and thankfulness aren't one in the same. They are VERY different in my mind.

Putting a genuine smile on my face has always been a daunting task. "nothing's ever good enough for you." people would say. I try to be happy. I try to smile even when I'm not having the best of days. I TRY. It's just..... I almost always have this feeling that nothing really is important enough to get excited over. I was always made fun of as a kid for enjoying things and it hurt deep. to this day I don't tell most people the things I like, find funny, or any creative projects I'm working on because I don't want to be made fun of and lose all the happiness it brings me. The truth is, I have been really happy lately. I'm getting more into the mindset of "if you're enjoying it don't let other people make you feel bad about it" "don't let people wreck your fun, Amy." I've made a real effort to not let what people think determine what I should do and not do, enjoy and not enjoy. Life's too short to let peoples criticism get in the way of your happiness.

So in an effort to get out of my ramble and into a conclusion, contentment is a good thing (preaching to myself here) all it is is a smile while watching your duck swim in the pond, your dog's excitement when you get home, those cookies your sister made for you, the message from a friend asking how you've been, the morning hug I get from my mom, that really good scene in stranger things, and the hope in the future. Contentment isn't sitting back lazily pretending everything is okay, it's being happy with the little things in life and striving to make it better. So be content now, be content in the changes for a happier future, be content in the struggles because no matter what, you still have those little things to make you smile.

now go listen to that song that never fails to put a smile on your face

-Amy